The Hollywood rumor mill has been running in overdrive today after an announcement was made that mega hit movie star Will Smith, will be tackling his biggest challenge yet when he stars in the upcoming biopic of his own life. In an unprecedented move that gives new meaning to the term “unneeded overexposure,” Smith will be one of the first actors ever to play himself in a movie about his own life.
Continue reading ‘Will Smith Tapped To Play Will Smith in New Will Smith Biopic’
Amidst Swirling rumors of Brett Favre’s desire to return to play Quarterback for the Green Bay Packers, the club’s General Manager Ted Thompson stepped forward to address the burning questions. “Yes, Brett Favre has contacted us about coming back to start for the Green Bay Packer’s for the 2008-2009 season.”
Thompson quickly went on to add that, “Yes, the Packer’s have also changed their phone number for their front office, in a childish attempt to avoid speaking with the Louisiana native and future hall off famer about starting for the Green Bay Packers.”
Continue reading ‘Packers Change Phone Number In Attempt To Avoid Brett Favre’
The long search is finally over for Chicago resident, Paul Pater, as he finally located a retailer that would sell him a speargun. Pater, who became obsessed with obtaining the fishing tool since seeing it used to kill people in a Bruce Willis movie on TBS, had endured a long, arduous search for the item.
“Man, it took like, forever. I mean, like a metric forever. I went to every Sports Authority from here to Orland Park looking for a speargun, but every time I would ask the underage clerk about purchasing a speargun, he would just look at me like that was code for trying to buy or sell him cocaine.”
Continue reading ‘Man Finally Finds Store That Will Sell Him A Speargun’
Addressing the media on Monday, Jessie Jackson took attention away from the upcoming presidential election and placed the emphasis on the world of children’s television programs.
Jackson, who is always conscious of the television content his kids are watching, issued a statement, claiming that he, “Is still convinced that the 1980’s children’s cartoon, The Smurfs, is somehow racist and derogatory.” Adding that, “The show is nothing but a negative influence on America’s children.”
Continue reading ‘Jessie Jackson Still Convinced Smurfs Are Somehow Racist’
With the release of Coldplay’s New Album Viva La Vida, the band issued a statement on their website expressing their hope that this album will help reconnect with their estranged fanbase.
Frontman Chris Martin, who believes the band has been slowly losing touch with listeners, explained that “A lot of blokes have been seeing me being all rich and good looking and stuff and married to Gwyenth Paltrow, so, I want to make sure I let them know that I’m still one of the guys, just like everyone else. And even though I have roadies who carry my equipment to our tour bus, I still get on that bus with my own two feet… after I am carried to the bus by my bodyguard.
With trade rumors swirling around the Bears acquiring Philadelphia quarterback Donovan Mcnabb in the offseason, coach Lovie Smith told the media that whatever happens, quarterback Kyle Orton’s spot on the roster is safe.
Smith explained, “We might be very crowded at the QB position next year, but I have given a vote of confidence to keeping Kyle here. He will be invaluable if any team challenges us to a drink off. The man is an unstoppable juggernaut of alcohol consumption.”
Continue reading ‘Kyle Orton Kept On Bears’ Roster In Case Of Surprise Drinking Contest’
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