Republican Presidential nominee John McCain, who recently lost the election to Democratic challenger Barack Obama, spoke candidly with the press after his defeat. McCain, whose campaign ceded traditionally Republican states like North Carolina and Indiana to the Democrats, believes that there may have been foul play involved in his 364-162 landslide electoral defeat.
McCain singled out an impromptu election day “Matlock Marathon” sponsored by the Obama campaign, as one of the dirty tricks that probably cost him the election. McCain believed that the all day airing of Matlock was responsible for only bringing an all time low of 4 % of voters in the 65 and above demographic out to the polls, who McCain referred to as the “bread, butter and applesauce” of his voting base.
Continue reading ‘John McCain Believes Election Day Matlock Marathon May Have Cost Him The Presidency’
As the Detroit Lions fell to 0-9 on Sunday and passed the midway point of the season plagued in a yet another winless drought, analysts predicted that Lions players would begin turning on each other, creating an inescapable quagmire of negative emotions in the locker room. But when the media spoke with the players today, they received an unexpected response from the team, one of contentment.
Continue reading ‘Detroit Lions Settle Into The Familiar Comforts Of Futility’
I know I’ve made some mistakes with our past vacations. Our honeymoon in Sri Lanka was ill informed, I’ll admit. It sounded exotic and who was to know the country had the lowest per captia per person in like the entire world. You said you had gotten over being mobbed by all those street kids, so I thought we moved past that one. And that spring vacation in Waco, Texas? They had cheap hotels and good weather, which probably should have clued me in to the fact that it was a haven for unstable people. But being held against our will by that cult for fifty-two days made for some pretty good stories to tell our families at Christmas time, did it not?
Continue reading ‘Editorial: Look, When I Said “Let’s Go Explore This Cave,” I Was Obviously Unaware That It Would Be Infested With Cave Creatures’
A recent study by Newsweek Magazine revealed that most Americans avoid climbing ladders because of an irrational fear of Eagles, not because they are afraid of falling and hurting themselves from elevated heights.
The rather surprisingly results came from a study which sought to profile reasons for why Americans avoid climbing ladders to do yard work, even when they don’t have a fear of heights. Expecting some eccentric answers, Newsweek did not foresee such outlandish quips for their survey. But the participants of the study are adamant that their answers are both truthful and justifiable.
Continue reading ‘Fear Of Eagles Remains Number One Excuse For Not Climbing Ladders’
