This ingenious and spoiler filled post, compiles how movies change when they are viewed backwards. Some of the examples include:
- “If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s about a shark that keeps regurgitating people until they have to open a beach.”
- “If you watch Cloverfield backwards, it’s about a monster created by the US Air Force who runs around New York fixing everything until it goes for a swim. Then everyone has a party and goes to bed.”
- “If you watch Thelma And Louise backwards, it’s about two women with a flying car who slowly realize their place is in the kitchen.”
- “If you watch Highlander backwards, there can only be two.”
Yeah, that Tron. That movie that was basically like watching someone playing snake on their phone, except with Jeff Bridges playing the snake. These atari graphics just got upgraded people. Check out the trailer here.
Yo Janice, what’s up? I thought we were cool. I thought you and I were operating under the unspoken rule of mall kiosk employees, “that whatever happens (or doesn’t happen, like work) at the mall kiosks, stays at the kiosks.”
But now I hear you’re telling my boss that I’m hanging out at Sabarro’s instead of manning my post? Uncool, Janice, very uncool.
We here at The Near Truth only recommend the highest caliber literature. We told everyone to read Shakespeare before it was the cool thing to do. We endorsed the Dead Sea scrolls before they took off and today, we are throwing out a new classic for your reading pleasure with Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror.
And I know you’re saying to yourself, “Hey, Near Truth, how do I know that Meg: A Novel of Deep Terror is a good book?” Well, here’s how you know it’s a good book. If anyone asks you which part you are at in the book, you can actually use the following answers:
-”I’m at the part where the shark eats the submarine.”
-”I’m at the part where that guy surfs into the open mouth of the giant shark.”
-”I’m at the part where the generic character who might as well be named “Sharkbait” taunts the giant shark and then is promptly eaten moments later.”
-”I’m at the part where the book brought me to tears through passages of beautifully articulated prose detailing a giant shark’s attack on an industrial sized Japanese whaler.”
(Side Note: You can also answer “Why yes it is, my good man,” when someone on the train asks you, “Is that a shark eating a dinosaur on the cover of your book?”)
Cracked profiles the latest classic from the Black Eyed Peas. Every time this song gets play on the air, a whale dies. A whale or any other equivalent species whose death would sadden you.
This bird is awesome, it can make chainsaw noises. It’s relatively unclear to me as to why the lyre bird hasn’t had its own sitcom, comedy special or talk show yet.
But knowing network TV, they’d find someway to misuse his awesome bird talents by making him a judge on America’s Got Talent or subbing him in as a lame character on Heroes. I’ll even write the first scene for them.
Peter Petrelli: Lyre bird, stop Sylar before he kills Claire!
Lyre bird: (Chainsaw noise)
Peter Petrelli: Lyre bird, I said stop Sylar!
Lyre bird: (mating call)
Peter Petrelli: (In a sulking Napoleon Dynamite voice) Not now, lyre bird, we have to save the world.
Because that’s what sells tickets, kids, pandering to the crowd. Wait . . . I don’t know if that statements actually makes sense in this context, but we’re going to push forward anyway.
So, in anticipation of today’s release of Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, here is the trailer for the movie in case you forgot that the series was about wizards, clouds of smoke and a form of broomstick rugby that is about as safe as playing lawn darts on the front yard of a frat house.
