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Ouch.
Monthly Archive for October, 2009
Living as a demoted minor planet for almost three years now, Nasa has reported that Pluto, “just doesn’t seem to be trying anymore.”
“Pluto has really let itself go,” NASA tech Roger Transby explained. “Since its demotion, there are many signs of degradation to its core. We’ve noted a shadow cast across the surface of the ex-planet that looks a lot like a pair of black sweat pants. Also a field of garbage has started to orbit Pluto, comprised mostly of snacks, half written love songs on the back of Nickelback sheet music and discarded lottery tickets.”
“Pluto also disappears frequently from our scans and often won’t return our deep space pings. It’s equivalent to a planet not returning our calls,” he clarified. “It even stopped paying attention to its moons. It just lets them wander around unattended, playing with random space garbage, talking to whoever they want. We knew that this was going to hit Pluto hard, but not like this. This is pretty embarrassing.”
Prepare for the eighth worst day of Jack Bauer’s life as he battles terrorists, assassins and the inherited challenges of being a grandfather like doing background checks on the kid down the street with the lemonade stand.
The birth of Kim’s daughter also affords terrorists the unique opportunity to kidnap two generations of Bauers, just to see how angry Jack can get in the course of a twenty hour period. My guess is pretty angry. Like Liam Neeson angry.
Seriously. Look at the cover of Under the Dome.
and read the synopsis:
On an entirely normal, beautiful fall day in Chester’s Mill, Maine, the town is inexplicably and suddenly sealed off from the rest of the world by an invisible force field. Planes crash into it and fall from the sky in flaming wreckage, a gardener’s hand is severed as “the dome” comes down on it, people running errands in the neighboring town are divided from their families, and cars explode on impact. No one can fathom what this barrier is, where it came from, and when–or if–it will go away.
Now where have I seen this before. . .
I understand that Stephen King has written horror on every subject short of leap years, Applebees and Myspace, but when you’re recycling Simpsons plots and it’s not used to bolster a meandering episode of Family Guy, maybe it’s time to change genres and write the Hardy Boys series or a column in Entertainment Weekly about what TV shows you should be watching.
But who am I kidding, this book will still probably be worth reading. I mean this guy once wrote a horror short about the Red Sox’s closer and made it work.
I often thought that most revolutions were started when the guy who just had his truck repossessed shouted “Something About Taxes!” at the town hall meeting, but perhaps I was wrong. Maybe “Down With Problems” is the battle cry that unites the masses. Although I’ve always been a fan of “I Don’t Particularly Agree With Your View On The Issue In Question.” It may not fit well on signs, but it can be reused for almost any occasion.
Link:
The RZA uses math to blow Colbert’s mind: link
Balloon boy exposes his crazy parents’ hoax (The reveal at the 42 second mark when the kid leaves his parents out to dry - Classic): link
Time Magazine asks Tracy Morgan 10 questions in front of a live audience - I don’t see how anything could go wrong: link
Tina Fey talks to Letterman about her early dating life, “I couldn’t give it away at 24″: link
The Journal interviews Wire Creator David Simon about crime, politics and journalism in urban cities: link
Kareem Abdul Jabar gets Jeopardy question about himself wrong: link
Bacardi/ActionBooth tour comes home Thursday Oct 22, check out galleries from earlier tour stops: Detroit, Atlanta, Dallas, DC
The “I’ll Have What He’s Eating Experience.” An article about a restaurant in Japan where you get the food of the person who orders in front of you. Madness!: link
Comedian Aziz Ansari details what’s it’s like to spend a night out with Jay-Z and Kanye West if you know, you’re normal.
Probably not, but check out the effect they have on people.
Taking a page from this recent Geekologie post, this video examines the effect that piano stairs have on people and beg the question, if it’s more fun to take the stairs, will people do it? We here at the Near Truth wonder what the next logical step after piano stairs will be for encouraging a healthier lifestyle. What other modifications can be added to benefit us?
Here’s what we’ve come up with:
- Flinstone Segways (Powered by scampering).
- Treadmill escalators (Just because you’re not going forward doesn’t mean they’re not working).
- All elevators filled with flatscreens playing Creed music videos to encourage taking the stairs.
- Force overweight adults at McDonald’s to run the rope bridge at the indoor children’s playground before ordering.
- All speeding tickets be paid on the spot in jumping jacks.
- All Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts be located on the fourth floor and can only be reached by scaling a climbing wall.
Have any of your own remedies? Let us know.
Any article with a title like this will get a no questions asked forward from this website:
Forwarded!
Also, why we’re here, why not check out the 28 Days Later 1 minute, 1 take Swede:
Forward Progress!
The trailer for Sly Stallone’s new ridiculous Delta Force looking movie with a quarter of the cast of Rocky IV.
The Annexation of . . . Forwarded!
Need a Halloween Costume in Chicago? Well check out this commercial made by the hard working patriotic dudes at Bailout Pictures with Robert “Jones Bigass Truck Rental” Hines for Fantasy Costume Headquarters:
Hard Work And Dedication Forward!
The touching story of young Jean Claude Van Damme:
Morbid Children’s Video Forward!
