Monthly Archive for November, 2009
Because, why not?
As according to The Onion’s AV Club staff.
See if your favorite shows of the decade made it. If not, use that last stamp for hate mail. Bills are overrated.
Original X-Men Cartoon Opening
Japanese X-Men Cartoon Opening
A different kind of epic.
Continue reading ‘Alternate Japanese Intros For Popular American Cartoons’
Inexplicably, 2012 is not included on this list, which I imagine has to be the result of some clerical error. Don’t worry, I’m writing them an email about it as we speak.
Check out the list at the Times Online.
I am aware that some of these techniques may not actually classify as “avoiding” but what can you do? Also more than one of these may involve the use of glitter.
Ways To Avoid Greenpeace Today:
• Pretend to adjust volume of headphones.
• Stiff arm to the face.
• Break down and drive your segway to work today.
• Dress up as Captain Planet. Order Greenpeace volunteers to go down to Jewel to buy you lottery tickets and booze.
• Spin move (Eric Sweeney endorsed).
• A system of underground tunnels.
• Prominently displayed “Nuke the Whales” t-shirt.
• Throw glitter in their eyes.
• Wear nothing but a trench coat and keep muttering “I know I buried them here, I know it!”
• Buy a clipboard. Make a logo for your own fake foundation. Ask them for donations. Amidst confusion, throw glitter in their eyes.
• Lob a pillowcase full of Phish CDs into the river, sneak past in ensuing chaos.
• When filling out the paperwork for a donation, ask when you get to eat the seal you are adopting.
• Fly hot air balloon dangerously low to the ground while swinging a croquet mallet in a threatening manner.
Having said all this, I do encourage you to donate to foundations who help protect our environment. As we all know animals need our help, especially dinosaurs, who are nature’s most socially awkward animals.
Continue reading ‘How Are You Going To Avoid Greenpeace On The Way To Work Today?’
I’m not sure whose creditability is hurt more by this song. Maybe Elmo? I mean Bert and Ernie are tackling heavier material and Elmo still looks soft.
Hey, what can you say? You get hit in the head in football so much that sometimes you forget who you’re tackling. In his defense, it was a really good tackle.
And for good measure, this is probably the worst way to end a game ever, at least for the kid who spiked the ball. Fast forward to the 1:30 mark.
I feel bad for both of these guys. Their reactions are the same. Hang their head in shame and know that this footage is going up on youtube.
Life was so much less embarrassing before the internet. You used to be able to just move out of town if you embarrassed yourself. Now, you have to move to a place that doesn’t have the internet, which means you can only move to Canada or New Jersey.
According to a report from the Associated Press, Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt formally adopted a cheetah cub in an effort to help protect the endangered species. Bolt, who named his cub “Lighting Bolt,” has created the fastest man/pet pair since Carl Lewis teamed up with roadrunner for that PSA about the dangers of drinking and driving.
Now, I know a lot of you think this is a heartwarming story, but it really isn’t. All Bolt has done with this adoption is guarantee they will be the loneliest jogging pair ever. Do you really think that girl at the dog park in sweatpants, dragging a wiener dog along by its leash is going to be able to keep up with them? I don’t think so. It’s the same reason Sonic the Hedgehog never had a girlfriend. He just couldn’t slow down to give a girl the time of day. That and he had a not so subtle addiction to crystal meth that always seemed to keep the female hedgehogs away.
Read more about Bolt’s new pet here.
