In an attempt to further incur the wrath of dinosaurs when they are genetically engineered to pull wagons in the future, Hollywood has decided to make another Jurassic Park movie. According to a recent interview with Jurassic Park III director Joe Johnston, there will in fact be another unnecessary installment in this ailing franchise.
“Well, there is going to be a Jurassic Park IV,” Johnston said, launching into the usual I’m-really-excited speech that folks who are making a movie tend to invoke when interviewed about said movie. “And it’s going to be unlike anything you’ve seen. It breaks away from the first three—it’s essentially the beginning of the second Jurassic Park trilogy.”
So, not only are they continuing to drag out this story, but they want to start a new trilogy? Which means what? Is it going to be about dinosaurs adjusting to life in Manhattan? Jeff Goldblum learns to ride dinosaurs? Finally, a Dinopark Tycoon movie?
Now, I know you would be quick to judge a gang whose tools of destruction are inhalers and fanny packs slings, but who are you to say what makes a gang? How many gangs have you been in lately? Since you are probably in Starbucks nursing milk in a dixie cup while the manager shoots you dirty looks for mooching their wireless, I’m going to guess you are in the “been in less than 3 gangs” demographic.
Ever said this to yourself? “Well at least if I go to jail for life I can play Dungeons and Dragons till I die.”
False. Your life will have nothing to do with D&D magic if you are behind bars in one Wisconsin prison. Why you ask? The role-playing game promotes gang activity. Ah yes, should have known those D&D kids were up to something bigger than monster figurines and not having real friends.
Kevin T. Singer, a 33-year-old convicted murderer, sued after Waupun prison officials told him in 2004 that D&D was not allowed. Singer says he is a very serious D&D player. He wanted his materials back and said the confiscation violated his First Amendement rights.
Although we don’t usually sympathize with convicted murderers, we’re predicting a slippery slope of game confiscation. What next? Take away “Sorry” because it encourages players to screw over their friends in their quest to win it all?
For too long zombies have been missing from television (Larry King does not count). For too long we have been deprived of a show that confronts post-apocalyptic problems, like is your neighbor still your neighbor if he’s undead?
But thanks to AMC, the network that brought us Breaking Bad and that show about stuffy ad executives from the 60’s, we will now have an episodic zombie show based on the graphic novel The Walking Dead.
“We reported a while ago that Frank Darabont and Gale Anne Hurd were prepping an adaptation of zombie comics series The Walking Dead for cable channel AMC. “Prepping” has now turned into “actually making”, with the news that the pilot episode has officially got the go ahead. In print form, The Walking Dead is by Robert Kirkman and Tony Moore, and has been running since 2003. It currently stretches to eleven volumes in the paperback collections, and basically involves Zombiegeddon survivor Rick Grimes and his family making their way to a possibly apocryphal Last Safe Place, and getting into agreeably visceral scrapes and adventures along the way. AMC’s Charlie Collier said that “working with people like Frank and Gale is the right way for us to deliver a project of distinction in this genre.” Which is suit-speak for “the guys that made Shawshank and The Mist and Aliens and Terminator.”
-Three Year Old Chinese Hip-Hop Star (Yes, he is already cooler than you. Yes, it is depressing. Yes, he should be the main character in Step Up 3). [CNN]
-This very well could be the end of the internet - The top 10 worst attempts at cutting down a tree (Best. Post. Ever?). [Urlesque]
-Final Season Of Lost Promises Fans Will Be More Annoying Than Ever. [The Onion]
-22 minute behind the scenes look at Avatar. In case you want to know more about the Blue Cat People or have exactly 22 minutes before lunch. [Comingsoon]
-And the Piranha 3D trailer for good measure. [Youtube]
The internet has given us many great things since its inception: Youtube, a platform to slander people anonymously, access to vast databases filled with unreliable information (I’m looking at you, Wikipedia), a way to order Dominoes online and that video of the animatronic Chuck E. Cheese band lip-synching Usher. Really, the sky is the limit with this internet thing.
With the arrival of 2010, we can only imagine what the internet will give us this year and beyond. In this segment we try to preempt the internet’s future innovations and predict the coming trends.
I see all these commercials for bankruptcy and debt consolidation services on TV and for some odd reason, whenever a couple has received “help” from these companies, the stock image of them recovering seems to be the pair engaged in a good ol’ day of horseback riding.
Horseback riding? Really?
Because my first thought if I recovered from bankruptcy would not be, “Hey, honey, let’s go horseback riding.” It would be something closer to “Hey, honey, let’s go to Aldi’s and buy a ten pound bag of rice and some blankets.”
