We were going to do a Winter Olympic profile on Snowboarding, but thought better of it when we realized that it was an X-Games event parading as an Olympic sport. So, instead here’s a video of Stephen Colbert interviewing Shaun White. Because that’s all you need to know about snowboarding; Shaun White. Seriously, try to name another professional snowboarder. Try as you may to fabricate names befitting of Canadian stoners, you just can’t do it. And no, Tony Hawk does not snowboard in the offseason.
Want to watch a documentary about the glory days of Disney animation and how they almost didn’t happen? . . . Not really? Well, okay . . . Are you sure? Tim Burton is in it. No? You would just rather watch The Lion King? Alright, can’t really fault you for that.
Killers
I’m pretty sure watching this movie will give you food poisoning, but here is the trailer for Killers, anyway. It is some sort of True Lies ripoff starring Katherine Heigel and Ashton Kutcher. Yes, that’s right, they had the wisdom and foresight to replace Arnold Schwarzenegger with Ashton Kutcher, which is like replacing an old friend with a bag of recycling. Bravo.
Clash Of The Titans: Meet The Characters
Danish actor Mads Mikkelsen has one of the coolest names ever (although in Denmark this name be like Brian Smith for all that I know) but continues to be a relative unknown in Hollywood (you may remember him crying blood in Casino Royale, having cool swords in King Arthur and being generally sketchy in the Pusher trilogy) which is a shame, because he’s awesome. Sam Worthington, Ralph Finnes and Liam Neeson round out what looks to be a significantly less campy remake. Word on the street is that Bubo the owl will make an appearance in the new movie.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Based on the posthumous best-sellers by Stieg Larsson, this adaption went relatively unnoticed on the American radar until now. Props to Big Smooth for spotting this one.
Profile: The biathlon is the single event that testifies to how boring cross country skiing is. The inventors of the sport basically took cross country skiing and added guns. Because that’s what it takes to make watching cross country skiing tolerable; guns.
According to wikipedia, which is the unquestioned authority on everything:
The sport has its origins in an exercise for Norwegian soldiers, as an alternative training for the military. The world’s first known ski club, the Trysil Rifle and Ski Club, was formed in Norway in 1861 to promote national defence at the local level.
Called military patrol, the combination of skiing and shooting was contested at the Olympic Winter Games in 1924, and then demonstrated in 1928, 1936, and 1948, but did not regain Olympic recognition then, as the small number of competing countries disagreed on the rules. During the mid-1950s, however, biathlon was introduced into the Russian and Swedish winter sport circuits and was widely enjoyed by the public. This newfound popularity aided the effort of having biathlon gain entry into the Winter Olympics.
Chicago resident Paul Jensen found himself unable to work his Wednesday shift at the Oakbrook Data Entry Center, after a particularly intense episode of ABC’s Lost left him emotionally exhausted and reeling to reevaluate his priorities in life.
“There’s just . . . there’s just a lot going on right now,” Jensen explained to shift manager Rafael Bernard before exhaling loudly into the receiver, as if some great tragedy had struck him. “I just don’t really know what to think. Kate and Jack aren’t together. There’s a mysterious cloud of black smoke trolling around the island killing people for ambiguous reasons. Someone fell down a mine shaft at the end of the last season and then started hitting a hydrogen bomb with a rock. I’m not sure I can process it all right now,” he continued to elaborate on his tangent.
Big news on the bad movie pipeline. The Syfy network has greenlit the long rumored Sharktopus movie. For those who don’t know, sharktopus is a mythical creature that is more or less an amalgamation of a shark and an octopus. Yeah, this should be good.
More from The Live Feed:
Syfy’s original movies director Karen O’Hara Tweeted last week the network has greenlit a long-rumored “Sharktopus” movie — and directed by B-movie king Roger Corman.
Wrote O’Hara: “Just got off the phone with the legendary Roger Corman who’s doing a new movie for us this year. Yes, it’s the long-rumored SHARKTOPUS! … Spent half am hour discussing what a sharktopus should look like, how many mouths it should have and how it should kill. That’s my job!
