Continue reading ‘Sticks In The Real World (Workplace Inefficiency)’
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| The Parent Company Trap | ||||
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- Go to the nearest Jewel. Stand in the meat department and stare at customers until security asks you to leave.
- Walk into a Bank of America and demand to see Alexander Hamilton. Act surprised to learn of his death.
- Wear a cape to the zoo (Must be full-fledged adult).
- Sleep in an abandoned Blockbuster.
- Go to a matinee of The Expendables. Keep shouting “When does Rocky kiss Adrian?” until someone knifes you.
- Use chalk to draw a giant Risk board on a Michigan Ave sidewalk during rush hour. As people walk through your game, repeatedly shout, “You’re not allowed to invade Asia! You’re not allowed to invade Asia!”
- Set up an exercise bike on the sidewalk in front of an X-Sport. Pedal vigorously, only stopping every ten minutes to celebrate fake milestones by dosing yourself with a plastic bag full of flour/cocaine.
Continue reading ‘Poll: What Will You Do With Your Day Off Today?’
Black Swan
Release Date: December 1, 2010
So, who wants to bet that it took Darren Aronofsky getting Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman to agree to dance around in spandex and make out with each other for this movie to get greenlit? Because if this movie was filled with homely looking drama students, I don’t think there’s any way in hell the budget would be over $12. Because, honestly, this movie looks like insanity. It looks like Aronofsky has gone back to his Pi days all over again. I think the only upcoming movie that can possibly rival this in the insanity category will be the trailer below this for the Joaquin Phoenix documentary, I’m Still Here (which does not refer to his sanity).
I’m Still Here
Release Date: September 10, 2010 (limited)
Yessssss. I have been waiting for this train wreck documentary/faux documentary for some time now. And so far, it looks like everything I could have hoped for. Joaquin acting like a coked out rapping homeless person. Random ass voiceover of Edward James Olmos recycling Jeff Goldblum’s dialogue from Jurassic Park. And a whole bunch of harassment allegations going on behind the scenes. This will be a magnificent disaster. I feel like this documentary would be akin to watching an episode of Sesame Street after all the puppeteers died in a horrible bush crash and left the interns to put on the show. Which is to say that it will be a depressing, pale imitation of something you once knew well and thought was cool.
(DVD Trailer) North Face
Release Date: January 29, 2010
The beginning of North Face made me want to start climbing again. The ending of North Face made me never want to climb again. So, yeah. . . If I were to rate this movie on the climbing movie rating scale, I would give it six Vertical Limits and twelve Cliff Hangers. And if you’re wondering, that’s a damn good score.
The Scott Pilgrim vs The World soundtrack is now available to download, featuring contributions from Sex Bob-Omb (aka Beck), Frank Black, Broken Social Scene, The Rolling Stones, Metric and the Black Lips. Spinner had the entire album up for listening purposes, but they pulled it down because they enjoy watching grown men cry. Check out some of the highlights though in the feed above and then head to Amazon or iTunes to download the album in its entirety. It’s worth a listen. And of course, go see the movie if you haven’t already. It’s pretty awesome and they could use your help at the box office.
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| Brett Favre Returns to Football | ||||
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If you don’t have enough motivation to watch English Premier League soccer this year, commentator Chris Kamara might give you another reason to watch. You just won’t find an excitable personality like this in American sports. The over 65 demographic wouldn’t know how to respond to this type of commentary if Kamara was doing the play-by-play at the Masters. They would be banging spoons against applesauce bowls in a matter of minutes, calling for old broadcasts of Ronald Reagan to be played on the victrola instead.
Via Deadspin.
Continue reading ‘There Simply Aren’t Enough Beaver Comparisons In Sports These Days’
After demonstrating a clear inability to fill the seats in their stadium, fans of the Florida Marlins have pledged to improve their support next season by “showing up to more games sober” and by “learning the names of most of the players, at least the good ones,” as they put it.
“Oh, yeah. Next year, next year,” George Gunderson, head of the Marlins fan club, explained in an interview at Schutlz’s bar, where the fifty-four-year-old retired electrician directed a few hollow nods into the distance. “Things will be different next year. We’re going to go all out,” he continued to murmur unconvincingly. “Maybe, I’ll even take out one of those thanks for a great season ads in the paper that some fans do for their teams.”
Continue reading ‘Marlins Fans Pledge To Learn Players Names By Next Season’
Monstrous Wildlife from Frank Robnik on Vimeo.
Cause you never know when you might get stuck on a rock with Kevin Bacon. I wish my bachelor thesis was as cool as this.
